Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
