She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
