Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
