I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got inside last night via doggy door
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
