Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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