They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
