Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
