i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
