He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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