No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
