Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its not stalking. its research.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And then he peed in my hair
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