You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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