dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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