He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
