Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
