Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
third nipple confirmed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
