Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
handjob tips. give me some.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
