I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
