btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
