I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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