You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
