yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
