Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
