I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
