Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
