We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
