Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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