I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
