The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
