we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
