there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
