i used baking grease as lip gloss
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
