I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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