proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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