I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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