It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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