i permit you to call me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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