good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
