My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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