i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
