Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
