i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
