I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just tell him i said nine months
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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