I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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