Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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