Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
