Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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