those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
