I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
