He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
