God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
