I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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